Culture Club (Tom)

While the primary motivation for bringing Daniel and Tamenech to Ethiopia was to meet their birth families, we also wanted them to learn about the culture and history of their native country. Tonight's post is going to focus on what we've seen as significant differences between here and the United States. I'm also going to include an example of how a language difference resulted in a very interesting meal for me! I point out these differences not to suggest that one way is better than the other. Rather, it's important for us to understand that ours is not the only way of doing things, that there are many, many cultures in our world, each deserving respect.

1. Food #1. I learned, the hard way, that marinara does not mean the same to us as it is in Ethiopia. At one of the restaurants we visited, I decided to play it safe on the meal and ordered spaghetti with marinara sauce. The waitress brought out a nice plate full of spaghetti along with a bowl full of sauce unlike any marinara I've ever seen. It didn't have any red sauce and was very,  chunky. Deciding to be adventurous, I started scooping in on my spaghetti when suddenly a strong smell wafted to my nose. A very fishy smell. I handed to bowl to Lori and asked, "Is that tuna? I think they brought me the wrong thing." Lori confirmed that indeed, it was tuna so I immediately started removing as much as I could. When the waitress came by, I told her that I had asked for marinara sauce, which she insisted it was. It's not the first time that what we have ordered was not what we got, so I just asked for a bowl of red sauce instead, which she brought and was very good. When Yonas came back to get us, I explained what had happened. Turns out, that marinara is Amharic for tuna. I got exactly what I ordered. Lesson learned! I'm glad that I was patient with the waitress with what she brought me, even though I didn't understand why what I had received was not what I had ordered.

2. Food #2. You will never go anywhere that has better bananas, coffee, sugar, tea, juice, jam, eggs, and lots of other foods. The hamburger I had at Sishu is the best I've had anywhere. Food is fresh, unprocessed, and amazing. It is vividly noticeably different and incredibly enjoyable.

3. Marriage Lesson #1. In the United States, it is customary for a suitor to ask his girlfriend's father for her hand in marriage. I think it's a tradition that is fading away, but I'll never forget the look of terror on Austin's face when he came to ask Lori and me if it would be okay to marry Allison (we said yes immediately!)

In Ethiopia, when it is time to ask approval to marry the woman, the groom-to-be sends five or six of his closest friends and elder relatives to ask for the father's approval. The father then asks the "committee" a lot of questions about education, employment, future plans and much more. The "committee" is not permitted to sit until the father gives his approval. Afterwards, there is a big party. Yonas, our guide and someone who did this before he married his wife, told us that it is not nerve-wracking since at that point in a relationship it is a formality and everyone knows what is going on.

4. Marriage Lesson #2 (a complete shocker to me...). Although now illegal, there are occasions, in some parts of Ethiopia, when a man decides he wants to marry a woman without needing her consent. He can "adduct" her (I'm not sure of the exact word. I don't know if there is a English word to describe it as Yonas couldn't find the exact word. The gist of it is that the man is able to claim the woman as his bride-to-be and can force her to marry him. There is one example that we know of where the woman's family took the man to court and the judge declared that since it had been three weeks since the wedding, and since the marriage had been consummated, that the marriage could not be declared void, but the man's family had to pay the woman's family a dowry (in this case amounting to $50). Needless to say, I was shocked when I heard this.

 

5. Marriage Lesson #3. It is not common, and increasingly not accepted, but we met several men who had multiple wives. One man we met had two wives and seven mistresses. In one case, both wives live in the same compound (in separate houses) and are good friends. The father has kids from both wives, all living together with their spouses and kids.

6. There is no such thing as defensive driving here, especially in the cities. Instead, it's everyone for themselves. See an inch, take an inch. It's not uncommon for cars to weedle their way into a gap in order to get an advantage. In the United States, this would lead to road rage and huge accidents. I've found Ethiopians to be the most patient people I've met and while someone may give you an odd look, it's not the least bit angry. 

When you're driving down the road and going faster that something you're coming up on, you should honk at whatever it is you're coming up on to let them know you're coming. It doesn't matter if it's a Tuk Tuk, a pedestrian, a horse and wagon, a bus, or a semi. Don't be concerned about whether the vehicle you're coming up on is too close to safely because both the oncoming traffic and that which you're passing will slow down to accommodate you. Although there are donkeys, goats, and cows everywhere, standing in the middle of the road, drivers patiently drive around them, honking (most of the time with no change from the animal).

Aside: We saw lots of donkeys standing in the middle of the road. We learned that they do this because of the flies, and that the passing vehicles create enough moving air to get the flies off of them.

7. Hygiene, Part 1. After our first day at the hotel, Tamenech mentioned what a great idea that there was a hose with a nozzle next to the toilet, and that all bathrooms in America should have this because "people are disgusting." I was a little confused, so told her that the hose was called a bidet. "We should have bidets in the United States," she responded. I asked her if she knew what a bidet was, to which she replied, "it's to rinse the toilet after you're done with it." Not quite, I responded!

8. Hygiene Part 2. Lori's been here, so she expected it, but squatty potties have been a new experience for Tamenech. We're guessing they're the reason that most women here wear dresses... Having to bring our own toilet paper into the bathroom was new for her as well!

9. Hygiene Part 3. Men don't practice the same degree of modesty when it comes to doing their business. We saw many men, both in the city and the country, standing up to a tree or a wall to relieve themselves. Daniel got to experience this as he needed to go, and as there are no rest areas or gas stations at the next exit, had no choice but to go while vehicles whizzed by him. I was directed to a urinal that was not only outside (but secluded from the street), yet was on the walkway between the kitchen and dining room of the restaurant at which we were eating so women were moving back and forth behind me.

10. Hygiene Part 4. When we got to Yonas' house last night, our shoes were muddy because of the rain that afternoon. Not wanting to get his floors dirty, we took off our shoes at the door step and started to go inside with only our socks. Yonas looked very alarmed and ran to get slides for us to wear inside. Apparently, it's not okay to walk around a home in your socks.

It's been a great experience for us, and I'm glad that Daniel and Tamenech have been able to experience a way of life different than ours. They know now that there are many ways people go about their lives that may be strange and unfamiliar to us. They have learned the importance of being respectful of these customs and the imporance of acknowledging and accommodating them when visiting and being a part of another culture. It is a valuable lesson that will be useful for them for the rest of their lives.